


In The Snow

by leoincolor



Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Detroit Evolution, Gavin Reed has BPD, Implied Reed900, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Use, Past Violence, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drug Use, gavin has bpd because this is MY fic and i can project as much as i want, hm there's a tina mention, it lives in that canon, this entire fic is just gavin having a bpd breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23801557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoincolor/pseuds/leoincolor
Summary: A particular case hits a little too close to home for Gavin, sending him spiralling.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	In The Snow

Gavin sits alone in his living room, coffee cup in hand, staring at the papers strewn across his coffee table. It’s God knows how early in the morning, and Gavin can’t bring himself to go to bed. So instead, he tries to put his insomnia to use by working on his latest case. 

_Seventeen. Multiple stab wounds. Presumed ties to red ice rings._

The words repeat in his head like a mantra, and his vision begins to swim. The papers in front of him begin to blur together, a messy mix of white and black. Gavin reclines with a sigh and runs a tired hand over his face.

He’s having a night. It’s a bad night.

Usually he can curb it. The days flow in and out where Gavin just doesn’t feel it. The guilt. The paranoia. Sometimes, he doesn’t feel anything at all. But there are nights where it all comes crumbling down. All the feelings he’s been running from just come flooding in, drowning Gavin where he stands.

He’s not here right now. Not in his living room, anyways. He’s seventeen again, laying out bleeding in the fucking snow. He’s high out of his mind. He’s alone. He’s dying. 

_He’s scared._

He might as well be reading about himself in that police report. Gavin looks at that kid's face and it’s like looking in a fucking mirror. He feels himself begin to shake like he did that night, coffee sloshing over the sides of the mug he held in his hands and dripping onto his white carpet. Shit.

Gavin takes a breath and tries to compose himself as he shakily sets the mug down on the coffee table. But he looks around, and suddenly he’s not present anymore. His mind feels like it’s swimming in molasses and he feels like he’s been plunged headfirst into a dream. Everything is a little fuzzy around the edges, and he can’t think straight. Gavin wants to get up, but he can’t.

He lays down on the couch and curls up on his side instead. 

This is why people leave him. This is why no one stays. He’s an addict, he’s an asshole, he’s a criminal, and to top it all off, he can’t even function like a normal person. His body is numb. His mind is numb. Gavin fights the urge to throw up. 

_In._

_Out._

_In._

_Out._

He struggles to remember how to breathe, each breath coming out more broken than the last. He curls into himself further and stares blankly at the wall. He can’t bring himself to do anything else. His vision is foggy, and he can’t tell if it’s because of tears or because he hasn’t slept in three days.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he can hear Nines’ voice. Saying he won’t leave him. That he loves him.

But who could love a man as broken as Gavin?

He’s a fool for thinking that Nines would want him forever. One day Nines will see him like he sees himself. All his life, all he’s ever been is a road stop. Somewhere for people to rest until they get tired of him and move along to find something better. Less broken.

Less him.

That was just the way the story went, and Gavin was fucking dumb for thinking otherwise. Everyone could see how broken he was. He can see it, painted on everyone’s faces as clear as day. Every time he looks at them, they know what he’s done.

He can even see it in Tina’s eyes that she worries about him. When his dark circles grow prominent, he loses his color and his cheeks grow hollow. When he snaps at just about anything that moves. When she brings him back to his apartment and puts him to bed.

He can see it in Fowler’s eyes, too. He knows he still sees the broken kid he brought to the precinct that night. Gavin can’t escape it. He can’t run from his past. He can never right the wrongs he’s made. No matter how hard he tries. He just keeps making bad decisions. Hurting people. How do you make something right when you’ve made it so wrong that you can never go back?

Sometimes he wishes that he just died there, out in the snow.

It sure sounds better than the way that his days blend together and the empty hollowness that Gavin feels, settled right at home in his chest. In his throat. The one that chokes the life out of him. 

Gavin is constantly at war. Mind, body, soul. He’s fucked up in the head, traumatized, and definitely damned to hell.

He quit drinking. He quit using. But _fuck_ , sometimes he misses it. He misses being able to feel _something_. Even if it was just a hazy high or a drunken stupor-

His apartment door opens somewhere in the background. 

“Gavin?” 

He hears Nines, but it’s far away. He barely even registers it. 

_“Gavin!”_

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i gave gavin bpd because i'm projecting onto him, what about it? but on another note i would like to dedicate this to the discord because y'all are really something else. i love you guys.  
> on that note, i'm not sure if i should do another chapter or leave it as this. it would definitely be some reed900 emotional heart to thirium pump type shit. let me know what you think! i hope this all hurt you as much as it hurt me to write it :)  
> half beta'd by my friends eli and court. and by beta'd i mean they just read it before i published it and told me it was good


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